At the beginning of this summer, what did I say? Well, to quote:
I promised. Ok, it's just a blog post. Not that big of a deal. But I promised because I knew that I would have amazing moments this summer. That it would be a summer that prepared me for college. A summer that allowed me to enjoy life to the fullest these last days at home. And all of those things did happen. It has been truly amazing. And for that reason, I regret not documenting those incredible memories like I wanted to.280 days have past since my last post. However, it is currently 1:17 A.M. and I do not have the proper brain energy to generate a legit post. So let this post be a promise to myself and whoever else it may concern that I will be back to blogging this summer. My fingers need the exercise.
As I think about going to college.. and what I'm most afraid of in my future... it suddenly hits me.... Yes, I'm afraid of rejection, failure, being uncomfortable, and I have so many weird crazy phobias... but more than anything in the world, I'm afraid of broken promises. I'm irrationally afraid that God will not fulfill His promises to me. His promises that say that He will never leave me or forsake me, that He has plans to prosper me giving me hope and a future, that He makes me strong in my weakness, that nothing can ever separate me from His love, and that He has chosen to use me for His Kingdom... Yet more than my irrational fear of God not fulfilling His promises, I'm afraid of not living up to my own. My promises to live a life sacrificially with every fiber of my existence glorifying the God of the universe as I refuse to live a comfortable, settled life. That lives would be changed forever, and the population of the Kingdom of Heaven would multiply because I chose to say yes to God's calling on my life. And what I fear... is that on my last day, I will look back in regret, because I broke the biggest promise a person could ever make. I'm afraid of disappointing myself. I'm afraid of disappointing others. I'm terrified of disappointing God.
What's the cure to broken promises?
Grace. Trust. Forgiveness.
Abba, give me the motivation, passion and desire to fulfill all of the promises I make. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness when I do mess up. I trust you. That you will never break your promises. And when I don't trust you, forgive me. Even though I don't deserve it. Your grace is unbelievable. Thank you. I love you.
Ebbes, you are wonderful. Thank you for sharing this cause I know how to pray for you. This is a hard battle to fight, because you find yourself wanting to be part of change but you don't want to because it's new ground and if you aren't good at it then you fail and disappoint yourself and everyone else around you!! (not really, but you feel that way) It's a fight we will continually fight to the end. The key is to endure through using those promises Christ gave us. He will give you peace, and you will find yourself more comfortable in situations where you wouldn't think possible if you fall on His love and continuous grace. Let Him surprise you. =)
ReplyDeleteLove you girl